he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Randomize
