I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Are we still banned from the library?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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