Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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