Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
