he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
