for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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