it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
