you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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