Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
