hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
