man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
