the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
