whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
