if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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