She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
