did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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