Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
