i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
