Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize