i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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