i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
