I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
