I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
