Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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