I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
