He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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