remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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