i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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