guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
