Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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