remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
