There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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