The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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