By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
