I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you traded sex for a burrito?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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