Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
