Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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