just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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