So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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