plz talk dirty to me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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