my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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