Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize