I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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