When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
