just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
