five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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