Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
someone owes me an orgasm
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
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