Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Randomize
