Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Randomize
