I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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