A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
