If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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