Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
