I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
