discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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