in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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