i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
