you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
