Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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