Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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