Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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