I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
