you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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