I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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