girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
