So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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