If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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