Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
