I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
