More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
