he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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