The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
